“We need to speak.”

It is amazing how these four words – which was sent by a president, colleague, agent, contractor, or one of his family members – can put you in a state of panic. You may think immediately:

• What did you do wrong?
• Are you finished?
• How can I recover?
• Do I lose my job?

I remember when a customer sent me this message immediately after exceeding the traditional review channels and sent the entire leadership team my report on our own work. When I got his text, my heart sank. I imagined that the destruction of my work and my personal reputation from the project had made a mistake. All the notes of apology and talks that I have to deal with have imagined to try to save what was clearly a tremendous mistake.

Read after that: It appears, do not tell: What does it mean to live our promises

And I remember when I called shyness from my client to “speak”, and told me how happy they are my work and my confidence to send the report directly to the leadership team, instead of bottlenecks from the process by requesting permission first.

What a wonder.

When a confusing, mysterious, or unexpected message is presented, most of us appear to be immediately imagined doom and clamp. This cannot be good, we tell ourselves. But can we reformulate this talk about oneself? What if he tells ourselves with a more open or positive message, rather than a bad message?

I learned to do this (and it took a lot of practice). Below are the steps that I follow when I hit something with my own incoming, which makes me my breath:

1. First, a pause

I remember that I cannot know the intention of the message; I can only feel the effect. While the effect may be, “OCH! This is painful!” Or confusion if the message is mysterious and mysterious, through temporary suspension, then we allow ourselves to consider alternatives to the response of the fighting or the initial flying that we may feel.

2. Then, think about the context

Was the person who sends the message that passes through the airport in an attempt to arrest a plane and perhaps leave some feelings or information that would explain some of Cortis the message?

3. Then, think about the sender

Some people speak briefly, leaving the details more brief, and their messages coincide with more pointed and unexpected. Does this mean that they are always angry? Quite the opposite. They described themselves as effective.

4. Ask, “What do I know about the situation?”

In the above example, I took the initiative and sent the report to the leadership team, I knew that my client was appreciating independent thinking. I knew they liked when people spoke and challenge the assumptions. I also knew that my client is a sympathetic leader. I should have believed that he would surround my initiative, instead of worrying that he was upset with me.

5. Finally, respond with a clear mind

Often, confusing messages require an illustration. He decided if it is better to clarify in a written form (email, text message, direct message) or orally (on the phone, video meeting or personally). It is important to understand what the sender intends to transfer, as this can avoid a negative or devastating reaction from you.

Most of us do not enjoy identifying confusing messages, especially those that send us under the hole of rabbits from despair or panic. Hunting ourselves before we move in negative beliefs can enable us to see things more clearly and evaluate our responses quietly.

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